I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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