ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
