Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
