just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
