I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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