Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
