there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
