you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
