I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
