call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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