watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
