when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
