the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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