i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
