Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
