The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
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I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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