New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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