i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
