All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
