I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
