It's Friday. Sex?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
