the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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