I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
