I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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