she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
