walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
