So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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