ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im holly from the hills drunk
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
