A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
