No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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