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There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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