Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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