i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Randomize
