in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
