obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
