We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
