If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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