we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
