He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?