I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
