I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
