hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
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Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine