Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.