that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.