Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
