Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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