can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
