She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
