I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
