Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
