Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My penis needs a shock collar
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
