threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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