cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
