saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
one might say we're banned from that church
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Randomize
