I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
