I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
