He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
