You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
