Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
