I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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