READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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