I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hereâ€™s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.