All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My butt remains clenched, sir.