Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.