i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
