Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
