How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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