Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize