how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
