Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
