i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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