I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
